How to Shop for Prom Dresses

Having a teenage daughter is basically a code phrase for you will never have enough shampoo, feminine hygiene products, or cash. Another iconic symbol of teenage girls is the illustrious prom dress. What I have come to find out, is that all girls unite in a secret prom-dress society, and pledge to keep the prom dress commandment: "Thou shalt not, under any circumstances, wear the same dress to more than one dance." My daughter, a God-fearing disciple, took the oath.

So here we are. Besides an upcoming high school dance, Daisy has a big event coming up which requires a couple of new fancy schmancy dresses.  Excited to have some time together and go shopping, off to the store (after store, after store, after store, after store, after store) we went.

Since it is the season for PROMs (which is really teen code for Politely Refuse Our Mother's Style), I thought I would jot down some of the valuable lessons I learned. That way, if Daisy ever needs another formal dress, ie an eventual wedding dress, I could re-read this post and then promptly beg / bribe / pay Daisy to elope.

Before going shopping, I found it helpful to know ahead of time what the basic specs of the dress will be: a general idea of top color choices, the style (ie long, cocktail length, short, unbelievably short) and a general price range we were willing to spend. Talking about the price ceiling with your daughter beforehand will prevent surprises and lower the odds of having an entertaining debate full of love and harmony in the store. In theory.

This process of pre-narrowing the choices can help save time "in the field." After nailing down a general sense of what you are looking for, it is time to shop. I suggest you take along the essential Prom Dress Shopping 72 168-Hour Kit, which includes:

1. The shoes that will be worn with the dress (especially if you do not have access to custom alterations)
2. A camera
3. Jewelry (if you already have it) to try with the dress
4. Water (to maintain a well-salivated oral cavity for all the gulping you will do... "they are charging $750 for a piece of fabric the size of a notebook?!?!"
5. Snacks: whatever it takes to 'stabilize' your blood sugar (ie mood...)
6. Tooth guard: these protect your enamel when performing the "bite your tongue / grit your teeth maneuver" also known as muffling constructive truth.
7. Bike helmet: this is an important safety item to protect against butting heads. Plus it is handy tool for knocking sense into the aliens who clearly kidnapped your daughter...."no the natural waist is NOT three inches below the hip bone."
8. Gloves: you don't want to leave fingerprints when you rob a bank, do you?
9. A robe or swim suit cover-up (*see item number 4)
10. An iPod with 342 hours of Brian Regan.
11. Sense of humor (*see items #4, 6, 7, 8, 9)

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Now let's talk about the actual shopping part. We all know that growing up, our mom's didn't quite have the handle on fashion like we did. My mom, bless her heart, simply had old-fashioned taste and didn't always recognize true 80's 'hip'ness (not to be confused with 'hippiness') when she saw it. For example, she thought moon boots were ugly. Imagine! Lucky for my daughter, I have closed that parent-child chasm. With my impeccable taste and finger on the pulse of today's fashion,  I know what Daisy should wear. If only she hadn't taken that other well-known teenage oath...."We are not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as 'a person who remembers when there was no Velcro'." - Dave Barry 

Yes, clothes shopping with your children requires skillful balance....knowing when to offer your support by way of opinion, and when to suddenly have a little tickle in your throat which leads to coughing fits.

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Well, I hope these tips can help to make the most out of your shopping. And by making the most of it, I don't necessarily mean finding the perfect dress.... I mean

1. Coming home still talking to one another
2. Not having to declare bankruptcy

Above all, the most important thing is to cherish the time together. After all, being with our teen-agers is like holding melted jello in our hands...it (they) slip(s) right through our fingers, leaving nothing but an imprint of color and a memory of how it felt to hold the precious substance in our hand, if only for a moment.

I'll be busy thinking about that when I'm starting up my new organization..MAPs (Mothers Against Proms). First order of business: A secret oath.


**Editor's Note: Any likeness to the actual story and/or characters are highly intentional. Actually, the truth is, although I tease, I do not blame Daisy for my frustration in the difficulty of finding a dress. I blame the clothing industry. Why can't they make a beautiful dress at a reasonable price with decent coverage?  My daughter really has been awesome through this. She is not willing to compromise her values of modesty and is very sensitive to our budget. I love her dearly and treasure our moments of trying on dress after dress after dress.

Photo by Kristel Poole

Shadow and Light

Last week my daughter and I were almost killed. Or worse... paralyzed and/or our bones splintered into 1000 tiny shards. When it happened, every single cell in my body was on heightened alert and supercharged with enough orgasmic electricity to power a float in an electric light parade. I've never felt anything like it. Course, I've never come that close to death (well...except for the time I tripped and nearly tumbled off the edge of Waynapicchu)

We were on a lone stretch of freeway driving home from Las Vegas. It was a wet, moon-starved night. Suddenly, in front of me was the dark silhouette of a UFO (unidentified freakin' object). At freeway speed, there wasn't time or prudence to slam on my brakes. I sharply jerked the steering wheel at the last possible millisecond....sending our car into an uncontrollable swerve. We BARELY, (and by barely....I mean my eyebrow hairs could almost touch it...)  barely missed hitting the UFO. Only now I identified the unidentified object. Sitting stone still, camouflaged against the inky ebony sky, was an inky ebony car...without lights or reflectors or orange warning triangles. It sat, stoically, at a 90 degree angle, blocking the entire lane.

After getting my car back in control, my arms and legs mimicked the car's response by going into uncontrollable swerves. But they somehow managed to steer us home. Crawling into bed that night at 12:30 am, the gravity of the situation hit me and I melted into a puddle of sobbing spaz. I had a real, honest-to-goodness freak out! After which, I recovered with a profound reverence for the power of our mind-body connection.

Since then, I have had several playbacks seeing myself on the brink of my own erasure, only to be acquitted at the last moment by some divine combination of luck and arrangement.  Now, in grateful reflection, the shadows have given way to a broad expanse of time stretching out before me like a flower-saturated landscape.

Field of poppies in Tasmania. Photo by Artie Photography

Now...
It is not the nearness to death that gives me pause. 
It is my second chance at life.

What have you done with second chances?

*Editor's note: At the time, I didn't even have the wherewithal to call the police and report the deadly hazard SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY! Although, there was a police car with lights and sirens speeding toward our location. I assumed it was coming to the UFO. I can only hope.

Top Photo by Spiritual Blue

Only Four

You may have heard this little verse....

Something you want

Something you need

Something to wear 

Something to read

Each year, we use this to decide what to give our kids for Christmas. It has simplified gift-giving and helps me keep perspective on outrageous consumerism of the holidays. The other day, I was sort of reviewing Christmas and thinking about the new year. My mind was overwhelmed with the hundreds of things that I need to work on. Then, suddenly it hit me. Why not approach my New Year's resolutions using the same idea?

So first things first: I set a goal to take my own advice. Check. And then, for my New Year's Resolutions, I chose one goal from each category.

There probably isn't a soul alive that doesn't already do each of the basic things I am determined to do. But let's face it....well...actually let's not. I don't want to get into the particulars of my lackluster discipline. Besides, this blog is supposed to be family friendly.

So here are my goals for 2010. Officially in writing. So I can't officially cop out.

want to be a better mom
I pledge to make a hot, homemade breakfast at least once / week. (Sounds easy, but this is going to be a killer. I tell you....a KILLER)

need to be better hydrated
I pledge to drink at least 6-8 glasses of water at least 5 days / week.

wear a countenance of joy
I pledge to do an act of service once a month for someone besides my family. (My mom does this daily...and I'm hoping for once a month. Oh the shame.) I loved what my friend's father used to say: If I give, I will always have it to give. 

read the scriptures and memorize poetry.
I pledge to read from the Old Testament daily and memorize two poems.

That's it. Although, it will provide me with an uncomfortable stretch. Especially since I'm taking Statistics and may soon not have any fingernails. Or hair. I may be wearing a bald countenance of joy.

Good luck with your resolutions!