7.09.2008

The Twinkie Phenomenon

Speaking of overeating, I have been. I am experiencing what I painfully call THE TWINKIE PHENOMOMORON.

It all started in the 9th grade hallway of Madison Junior High School. I distinctly remember when Kari Frost, my good friend, was watching me guzzle a bag of barbecued Fritos and some Twinkies and lamented, "you are so lucky...you can eat whatever you want and never have to worry about your weight." I smugly replied back, "Oh don't worry....it will catch up to me. Someday my metabolism will slow down and I will put on weight. It happened to my grandma and my mother." Then I really laid it on thick and continued, "So YOU are the lucky one. Because since I can eat anything without consequence, I will have developed bad habits. But you have learned to restrain and eat well and so you will be better off in the long run."

Now fast forward 25+ yrs for the rest of the story. Let's just put it this way. I walked around camping last weekend with my pants unzipped the entire time. My kids sort-of understood, but the four park rangers who came checking for our registration didn't. "Uh...ma'am. Would you please do up your pants so that we can ask you some questions. Otherwise, it's just plain awkward."

Kari, I can now proudly report that I was exactly right! The Twinkie spread is spreading forth beyond the confines of my once-comfortable pants. And yet, I bet you are as thin as you always were. If you were here right now, no doubt you would give me a hug to console me and probably say something like.... "Neener, neener."

So as it turns out, I can predict the future. If you need anything in your future predicted, let me know. I'll try to help you just as soon as I get my pants zipped up.

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